The howling of the ‘black dog’.

It wasn’t till this week that I caught a glimpse into my own life of where I am at. After a Monday morning into mid afternoon of pain filled rejection did I decide to change the way I went about thinking. And with that came an intimation of how much my present state is dependant on my childhood experiences and growth. How do I describe this, it was knowledge that what I was experiencing with depression, anxiety and self-doubt that it went back to my formative years. That my time now post George is a necessary part of my growth as a spirit child having a human experience. Then it was gone. Now I am wanting it to reappear so I can interrogate it and find out more so that in the future this malaise will not have the ability to bring me down as low as I have been.

It is very difficult to live life post death of my husband and know what I want to do. After all from 17 to nearly 61 years I have been with him and nurtured, supported, encouraged, admonished, and leant on, not to my disadvantage but to my benefit and now that is gone. I cannot go back but to move forward is challenging. How do I do it, where do I do it and flourish!

Step one is to be here in WA at a small flat in Dawesville, looking across to the Indian Ocean, second is to be still working at South Metropolitan TAFE (ex Challenger) on a casual basis, third is to be attending church and teaching the youth class, fourthly engaged in study for my Masters in TESOL, and fifth engaged with family here in WA.

I am going to add in serving in the Temple, but that will come post study, for now finding family members and organising their work, then going to the Temple. I feel that is my pathway for now.

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